Of course when asked the question if you’d take your significant other back if they cheated on you one is quick to say, “no,” but is it really that easy? Cheating is wrong– kissing, touching, sleeping with them it’s all the same if their not your partner. However, there are things to think about when considering saying yes or no.
Back when I was a freshman in college I was so in love with this guy that if he said jump I’d ask how high. I was still the gutsy and outspoken person I am today, but back then I was very young and naïve, this was my first adult-like relationship so anything he said I believed. After a few months I had found out from my friend who hooked us up that he had another girlfriend while he was still with me. I didn’t panic, well I really couldn’t since I was in Peru enjoying a vacation, but as soon as I came home he called and wanted to see me. That’s when I let loose and told him what I knew. What do you think he said? He denied it! Apparently, I didn’t know what I was talking about and if he had something to confess he would. Little did he know I had evidence. After not picking up his calls I decided to answer the next day and he confessed.
I took me four years to get over him. I never took him back and he tried so hard to get me back, but I wasn’t going to be fool. The reason was because I had to find out on my own that he deceived me and on top of that he lied so well. If I hadn’t known about his cheating ways he would’ve continued juggling us both.
It was the lying and keeping it a secret that ruined any type of reparation. Now as an adult things are different especially with having a child. I still wouldn’t condone such an act, but when a child is involved it becomes a tangled web, would breaking up my family be worth it? Again many factors come into play.
When someone cheats it’s so hard to ever get over such deception. Everyone cries, things get thrown, things get broken, words are spoken that will never be taken back and bruises may be endured. After the hurricane slightly passes, you both could potentially have a civil conversation about who s/he is, how you met them, what happened and what’s their feelings towards them now. After all that things will never be the same again.
For those that consider saving the relationship good for you– only if this is the first time. If this is the second, third, tenth time you’re a fool. But for those first timers couples counseling would definitely need to come into the equation. If you really want to work past this I don’t think working on it between the both of you will help. You need to learn how to work past the cheating and understand both each others feelings.
The thing many people do continuously after such an event is throw this bad thing in your face time and time again. If you’re going to do this, cut your losses and move on. It’s something hard to move on from, but it’s essential if you want to continue your relationship.
The next possible avenue people might take after trying to work it out is pay back. Sometimes people are that upset that they want you to feel what they felt. Or later down the line if they accidentally fall into a woman’s vagina or trip onto a mans penis it’ll be a “pass” for them, because hey they forgave you right? Not saying this is what’s going to happen, but these things have to be discussed as well during the process of working things out.
Not all will be too forgiving. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. No one wants to be that fool who took a cheating ass back and they consider their value to be too high to even deal with a person like you. It’s a hard thing to do, but soon enough those feelings will pass (hopefully).
I had stated that it becomes a tangled web when there are children involved. You don’t want to be the one held responsible for breaking up your family. Although your spouse was the one who did the dirty deed, kids look at things differently. Okay, daddy cheated he wanted to still be with you and you didn’t want to, now it’s your fault. In this case a family counselor needs a ring.
I’m not saying to keep your family together for your child/ren because you don’t want them to be raised in that kind of environment– hate, sadness, no love and what ever else they pick up on, but don’t let this be the reason. Don’t be afraid to do what’s right for yourself and child (in the long run).
Cheating is a horrible act. Know what’s right for you and your family before fixing it or throwing it all away. No answer is the right answer.