Of course when asked the question if you’d take your significant other back if they cheated on you one is quick to say, “no,” but is it really that easy? Cheating is wrong– kissing, touching, sleeping with them it’s all the same if their not your partner. However, there are things to think about when considering saying yes or no.
Back when I was a freshman in college I was so in love with this guy that if he said jump I’d ask how high. I was still the gutsy and outspoken person I am today, but back then I was very young and naïve, this was my first adult-like relationship so anything he said I believed. After a few months I had found out from my friend who hooked us up that he had another girlfriend while he was still with me. I didn’t panic, well I really couldn’t since I was in Peru enjoying a vacation, but as soon as I came home he called and wanted to see me. That’s when I let loose and told him what I knew. What do you think he said? He denied it! Apparently, I didn’t know what I was talking about and if he had something to confess he would. Little did he know I had evidence. After not picking up his calls I decided to answer the next day and he confessed.
I took me four years to get over him. I never took him back and he tried so hard to get me back, but I wasn’t going to be fool. The reason was because I had to find out on my own that he deceived me and on top of that he lied so well. If I hadn’t known about his cheating ways he would’ve continued juggling us both.
It was the lying and keeping it a secret that ruined any type of reparation. Now as an adult things are different especially with having a child. I still wouldn’t condone such an act, but when a child is involved it becomes a tangled web, would breaking up my family be worth it? Again many factors come into play.
When someone cheats it’s so hard to ever get over such deception. Everyone cries, things get thrown, things get broken, words are spoken that will never be taken back and bruises may be endured. After the hurricane slightly passes, you both could potentially have a civil conversation about who s/he is, how you met them, what happened and what’s their feelings towards them now. After all that things will never be the same again.
For those that consider saving the relationship good for you– only if this is the first time. If this is the second, third, tenth time you’re a fool. But for those first timers couples counseling would definitely need to come into the equation. If you really want to work past this I don’t think working on it between the both of you will help. You need to learn how to work past the cheating and understand both each others feelings.
The thing many people do continuously after such an event is throw this bad thing in your face time and time again. If you’re going to do this, cut your losses and move on. It’s something hard to move on from, but it’s essential if you want to continue your relationship.
The next possible avenue people might take after trying to work it out is pay back. Sometimes people are that upset that they want you to feel what they felt. Or later down the line if they accidentally fall into a woman’s vagina or trip onto a mans penis it’ll be a “pass” for them, because hey they forgave you right? Not saying this is what’s going to happen, but these things have to be discussed as well during the process of working things out.
Not all will be too forgiving. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. No one wants to be that fool who took a cheating ass back and they consider their value to be too high to even deal with a person like you. It’s a hard thing to do, but soon enough those feelings will pass (hopefully).
I had stated that it becomes a tangled web when there are children involved. You don’t want to be the one held responsible for breaking up your family. Although your spouse was the one who did the dirty deed, kids look at things differently. Okay, daddy cheated he wanted to still be with you and you didn’t want to, now it’s your fault. In this case a family counselor needs a ring.
I’m not saying to keep your family together for your child/ren because you don’t want them to be raised in that kind of environment– hate, sadness, no love and what ever else they pick up on, but don’t let this be the reason. Don’t be afraid to do what’s right for yourself and child (in the long run).
Cheating is a horrible act. Know what’s right for you and your family before fixing it or throwing it all away. No answer is the right answer.
David AhiomeFeb 3, 2013 at 6:53 pm
This is a pretty constructtive article. Holds buckets of truth. I ???? the aproach, the ability to see from all angles b4 comin to a conclusion. A lot of folks are goona find this pretty helpful especially b4 they call it quits or throw in the towel. Well,personally, I must confess it’s a very difficult decision to make especially when you guys have been married for years and there’s an issue to reckon with. At this point, it boils down to whether u truly luv this person or not coz, in a way, it’s the true test of ur luv and commitment in making the relationship work. No one is perfect. I mean, anything can happen. I think the more slacks we cut for our spouse, and the more we see them as imperfect and prone to mistakes, the better and longer our relationships. Great work Betsy….luv ur website
BetsyFeb 3, 2013 at 9:40 pm
Thank you! I try to always look at all angles. I’m very happy you enjoyed it 🙂
David AhiomeFeb 5, 2013 at 7:18 am
Anytime…. how do I get nofication whenever there’s a new article without having to check my feeds update on facebook or email? Are you on twitter?
BetsyFeb 11, 2013 at 1:09 pm
Yes. I just got the subscribe button which is on the right side of my site. Thanks!!
ElizardoVFeb 1, 2013 at 1:18 pm
First ill like to say this is a great topic for Discussion As many people can relate or have at one point had to incounter a situation like this I for one can’t take some one back but than again I haven’t been married with kids but growing up watching my father for 10 years always cheat on my mom I always say why would she deal with this crap and always said because my kids need a strong father to raise them but all things come to and end uf the partner indeed continues to hurt his or her Spouse
BetsyFeb 1, 2013 at 1:41 pm
Everyone’s situation is different you just have to do what’s right for you.