I remember when I started dating it was the typical bad boy that I was attracted to. The movies just made them look so intoxicating yet charming.
Who wasn’t attracted to the guy who did what they wanted and got what they wanted? Little did we know that such confidence came with lies and having a bunch of women at the drop of a dime.
My first major crush was a guy I had grown up with who was the ultimate bad boy; he was defiant, did drugs, charismatic, had women fawn over him, lied and cheated– that didn’t faze me though. I loved that there were girls after him and I was that lucky girl who got him. Side note: women and girls thrive on that unavailability like the forbidden fruit. So even though I was the lucky girl who got him I wasn’t going to be the only one with him.
I was also naïve enough to think that I could change many of his bad habits. In between breaks from him I dated two of the sweetest guys who were in love with me from the get. I thought I should get over such an asshole and look for sweet guys instead. I’m sure we have all said this and found it. Yet, after several months I just couldn’t bare to lead them on any longer and broke up with them. They were just too nice and too much in love with me- yuck! Who wants that!? Haha.
I just got worse in my choice of men after that. It went from drug dealers to guys who had been in jail. I know! But when you’re young and dumb I don’t think we really think of guys we can have a stable and legit future with. We just fall for guys who are bad asses and hot!
We love the type of guys who do what they want and have such control over us. I always said I love to be controlled by a man if he’s a good man. Well I let myself be controlled by men who weren’t worthy enough. Besides that control they have over us and over the top confidence they exude we find the guys so attractive when they seem to be too busy for us– don’t call us for days or respond to texts right away. They are too busy it’s so hot (side eye).
I don’t know what it is in our minds that we love bad guys or better described as assholes. We throw away amazing guys just because they aren’t “cool” or dangerous enough. It’s not until we get to be about the age of 23 or so do we realize we want to settle down. So now all those good guys we threw away we regret. We may even try to rekindle a relationship with them again. However, usually when their from the past they should be kept in the past even if it was your fault.
Then it’s the years after when us women become suckers for love and bitch and moan about it because there are no good guys out there; guys are all the same, they all lie and cheat. Well they all lie and cheat because we always look for the same kind of guys.
Once we start to look for guys based on personality, morals and beliefs instead of their exterior, do we really see that not all guys are the same. Just like all women are not the same– not all of us are crazed-gold-diggers or depressed-poor-me kind of women.
I believe the reason we become so in awe with bad boys is because from a young age we were brain washed by our parents and society that the right guy to be with was a sweet, caring guy who did nothing bad. We possible self-consciously go against the grain and rebel. The thing is no one wants to be told what to do. It only works when we are being told to do something without really being told. Get it?
And yes eventually I grew up and found me a great guy who’s smart, sweet, caring and good-looking. It was a long hard road, but worth it.
Therefore, if you’re young, dumb and reading this cut this bad boy persona you’re so in love with out of your life. You’ll eventually, well hopefully, realize later in life it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be. I learned from my mistakes and sometimes you need to go through the experience yourself to know what you really want.
Mary J. Blige and Drake sang it best with “Mr. Wrong”